HAZIQAH!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Yet another week has passed. This week, it was hard. I had 2 breakdowns. Cried for close to 2hrs each time. I don't know luh. Like all the memories and the emotions and everything just flood in like a tsunami and once unleashed, I couldn't stop. Its definitely very exhausting. And though I never want it to happen again, I know it will. It just can't be helped yknow?

The only thing that keeps me sane, keeps me going, keeps me strong are my friends, really. I am so grateful for every single one of them. You know, during the entire ordeal, my friends were all like so super protective of me and stuff. But I stand by my friends. Of course they'll react the way that they do! I am the baby in all these. And they only have my best interest at heart.

Besides, at the end of the day, they were right, weren't they? :/ sigh.

These are my lovely ladies, My Coolios.

Sometimes, its not what you say that helps a person, its what you do not say. I know it was hard for them to see me like this because they know me. They know me so well that it baffles them why I'm acting so out of character. Going crazy over a boy, getting all stressed and messed up over a silly boy. They know Haziqah and the Haziqah they know is NOT like this.

Thank you Febs, for all the encouraging words. I will most definitely look up to you and be as strong and carefree as you are and just enjoy life! 'Cause you are right. We are still young and we've got our whole lives to figure this out. I miss you already. Everytime I see you smile as you talk about your situation, it makes me smile too 'cause I know we can and we will get through this. Thank you for telling me I am strong and for being so fierce and wanting to call him up and find him and beat him up for me. haha You know I love you.

Miss Janet!You know how tough this is for me. And considering that your situation is kinda similar to mine, only yours is 10 billion times better, I know you understand what I'm going through. It really isn't easy for me at all but I'm so grateful you're still in SG while I'm going through this. What would I do without you? Thank you for being there for me and listening to me and wiping my tears and lending a shoulder to cry on. Thank you for the countless times you advised me about either waiting for him or letting go then later on reminding me that I could do better. Thank you for everything.

VernaBanana, I know this is prolly toughest on you. I know you as well as you know me. And I am grateful for all the things you did not say. There are countless times when I see you looking at me and I know you have something to say but you did not. And I know you and its not easy for you to keep from throwing your pasta at me when I'm acting stupid. So thank you. Thank you for all the times you have warned me about him. Thank you for all the words you could have said but refrained to spare my feelings. Thank you for being there for me and even tweeting him. All I ask is for you to wait a while longer. The Haziqah you know and love will be back. Thank you, Verna. I know sometimes you feel like you have failed me 'cause I got hurt but the truth is you haven't. I know if he were to stand in front of you, you'd not think twice about kicking him for me. That's the Verna I know. She may not have the right words to say but she'll always have my back.

My two bodyguards.

Now, they may be assholes to me esp this GuangWei la. Seriously can be sucha douchebag with the wish to make me cry and breakdown. NBCB But I know they love me and will always protect me. How? Because they have proven this to me long time ago. Each and every time I go out with them, they'll ask me "How are you and the Halim thing?" Every week when I say "Same uh. Just go with the flow", they'll try to convince me to walk away because they're looking out for me and they know he isn't treating me right. They warned me, they advised me. Don't get me wrong, they may seem like they are truly against the potential relationship but Terrence once said "But if in the end you end up with Halim hor, and he treats you right, I will confirm accept him and take him in" Terrence even wanted to do THIS ONE THING which proved to me that he really is concerned about me. And he was so insistent on doing it but when I tell him no, he didn't do it. That's how you know a friend is a true friend. So thank you boys. I don't even have words to describe my love for you two. LAWL Sounds so gay but whatever la.

My Bimbs.

These 5 ladies prolly know me best in this situation. Because they see me every single day for this one year that I know Halim. For an entire year, they watch me grow into this girl who apparently has this 'mentel smile' or 'twinkle in her eye' or 'some girly giggle shit' whenever I talk/ get a text from him. And since like 3 of them also know him on a personal level, they are more understanding of this situation.

Anna, thank you for your insight and you encouraging words and your bitchy "Stop being sad, be happy" advices and scoldings whenever I tweet or seem ubberly and depressed in an unhealthy manner. Thank you for always showing me and reminding me that A GIRL DO NOT NEED A GUY TO BE HAPPY. 'Cause its empowering and its true. And thank you for reminding me that God will always look out for me and yes, I am going to heed your advice and be a better girl :) Thank you, Anna!

My sistaaaaa! She has been there for me countless times. Some nights when I am so depressed, she'll let me know she's there for me. She's the one who told me its okay to cry when everyone else is asking me to stop crying. She's the one who understands the pain of a heartbreak because she experienced it before and she's always there to tell me "It's normal to cry, it's okay to feel that way". I feel like she's my guardian angel sometimes! Sent to teach me, to guide me through this. When I was forcing myself to move on, she saw right through me and told me its okay to take a long time, that I AM supposed to take a long time. She's the one to hold me when I cry that Monday right after I walked away. She's the one to hold my face and tell me "Everything's going to be okay, My sista deserve only the best and nothing else." I can't thank you enough, Sista. I really can't.

Pyong from Pyongyang, You know, sometimes its the people whom you least expect to be there for you, are there for you. It's not like from the beginning, I know Mary's not gonna be there for me. Its not that at all. Its just - because she is so busy with school, I never expected her to take the time to send me cute messages to cheer me up! And since Mary is just like me, so inexperienced, who knew her words could like be super meaningful. Its messages like these that makes me feel so much better. The fact that you took time off your busy schedule to do this for me at random days, makes me feel like no matter what you'll always be there for me. And though you may not know how this feels or whatever, you're still willing to do whatever you can to make me feel better! So thank you so much, Mary.

My Ismurf! Thank you so much for everything. You're always there for me. You are the one who will listen to me stress over Halim over and over and over again about the same darn thing over and over and over again and you never once complained. You always know the right things to say and I don't know la. I always feel like an extra connection to you. Maybe because we're both Aquarius and we think the same or both of us have similar family backgrounds or whatever la. You will sit and analyze the Halim situation with me for hours at a time and when I feel low, you always keep my spirit up. You always say he's not the right guy for me, that I deserve so much better but you also always say that if he makes me happy, it'll make you happy. And thank you for always being so bitchy about youknowwho for me. I know it's your way of showing me that you're on my side 100%. I just know you are always gonna be there for me, so thank you.

And last but certainly not least, Gombz. Thank you so much, bimb. You are there for me 24/7. You check up on me on a daily basis. You stalk my twitter timeline and everytime I tweet something depressing, in a split second, I'll get a text from you. I simply cannot tell you enough, how much your existence means to me. In this healing process, of all my friends, you're the one person who is there for me all day, everyday. And I just.. I don't even know what to say.. There really isn't enough words in the dictionary to tell you how much everything you've done, means to me. You even found songs that I could add to my 'Move On' playlist. And don't get me started on the encouraging things and surprisingly intellectual things you have to say everyday to me. And let's not talk about the number of times and the things you do just to cheer me up with #failedtweets and all that! See, you've done so much for me during this whole ordeal that I can't even remember half of them!So sincerely, from the bottom of my broken heart, thank you so much for being in my life. You know I'd totally do you ;) LAWL And since you're there for me every single day, you get the longest paragraph. hahah nolah I really am just sprouting everything in my heart and I am ever grateful to you.

Shahirah, Miss Corrupt-Everyone's-Mind, thank you so much for always making me laugh and cheering me up with your weird korean dancing and all your stupid weird dirty jokes. And you knowwwwwwww how much I love our Anak Metropolitan sessions ;) You have officially been added to my Circle of Friends. Since you're like my rebound now. HAHAHAH That's why you have a special space in this blogpost. LAWL! Thank you la for being there for me.

People on my twitter, my freshies, my schoolmates.

Thank you all so much. Your encouraging words keep me going. I am sane simply because of all these wonderful people around me. Even new friends are there for me. This is a special shoutout to Azhar who is always there to listen to me and cheer me up :) Thank you so much, and please get well soon kay! Like I said, with friends like these, how can I not be grateful and happy?

Yes, I am not like happy all the time, but there are good days. And those days are usually spent with my beloved friends. I love you all. Because of you, I know there is such thing called 'LOVE' 'cause that's the only word I can use to describe how I feel for each one of you. Thank you so much for existing :)

The Haziqah you know & love, that bubbly cheerful girl is not fully back yet. She is still heartbroken and she has yet to move on. She thinks of that same boy every single day and she feels sad every single day. But she will go on for all these people around her. She will not let the sadness take over her entire week.They deserve her smile and laughter after all the hardwork they put into being there for her. And she deserve to smile and laugh after all she's been through. I will be back guys, hang in there and wait for me please.

xoxo, Haziqah.

& 1:34 AM
Prince& his 1000 sexy sheeps