HAZIQAH!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

I always blog about singlehood and I don't know why but I have this sudden urge to blog about relationships. Like why I think people want to be in one. Or more importantly, why a part of me wants to be in one. Here goes.

I know alot of people say its because they are lonely and the miss the feeling they had when they are in one. They miss having someone wish them good morning and goodnight. They miss being held or kissed or head pats or whatever it is you people do when you're in a relationship. Well for me, its more curiosity than it is about loneliness. In order for me to be able to miss something, I must first experience it right? And since I've never, I don't feel that. But I think curiosity is a major factor for me. I want to know what's so different having your bf wish you and your platonic friends wish you. I wonder what it feels like to be held or kissed. Issit as gross as I think it is? Will I be all "eww get you saliva away from me. This is so gross" or will I be all fuzzy inside and (ohgod just the idea of me wanting it is enough to fross me out rn) want to do it again/all the time. I want to know if I will get bored of seeing his face and talking to him all day everyday or if that is never enough. I want to know what it feels like to know that someone out there has a choice to pick ten billion girls but he chose me instead. So yeah curiosity is something that pushes me to want to be in one.

Second factor - to want to be someone's first for once in my life. The reason why people when they get in a relationship change their priority list is because now they have become their partner's No. 1 on his/her list. So obviously you would do the same. I have a small circle of friends and this is because its just hard for me to let people in. Also, I am afraid of change. So I avoid it almost 98% of the time. The disadvantage of that is I have maybe like less than 5 people I am comfortable enough to share my problems, my worries, my thoughts. If you read my previous posts, you'd realize I always try to not depend too much on them. And that's because since I only have a limited number of people to turn to, im sure eventually you'd not wamna hear it. Especially if im stressed over the same damn thing over a period of time. But if I'm in a relationship, idk.. I'm assuming my bf would be there to listen to me, to talk to me and no matter how many times I go to him, he won't get sick of it, of my problems. I don't have to worry about "okay which friend do I turn to. Who hasn't heard of this problem? " Next, I have that few to turn to.. but my friends have other friends, other people they are more comfortable to talk to. They may be my no.1 priority, but I'm not theirs. And yes, that realization depresses me sometomes but it is what it is and I have learnt to accept it. So idk I guess if I'm in a relationship, I will be reassured that yes haz you are finally someone's no.1.

Okay that's it for now. I can't really think of any other reasons. Ohwell I hope this goes away. I don't want to end up being one of those people. Have a good Wednesday guys. And I'll see you soon :)

xoxo
Haziqah

& 8:36 AM
Prince& his 1000 sexy sheeps