Friday, March 15, 2013
Rationally irrational Hazi.
Nothing lasts forever. And lately I have been feeling this like intense fear that everything will change. See the thing is, I dont know what will change. I just know it will. This something. And like Penelope Garcia, I hate change. Unfortunately for me, change is inevitable.
As I'm typing this, I am reminded of someone I used to be super close with. Like legitly texting on a daily basis. I depended so much on this person. And its not like something major happened or what la. I don't know why or how but now we are not as close. We didn't fight or anything. I just don't talk to this person as much anymore. And I don't know why. For the life of me, I can't figure it out. And it doesnt really affect me until I randomly remember something about that someone and I feel like a tiny stab.
And soon, Farha might stop working with me. And I'm like not really majorly bothered by it because we still have a long way to go but the thought of not seeing this bitch every day of every week scares me abit. What if we drift apart? What if life gets in the way? Because that is bound to happen. Look at my Bimbs! I haven't spoken to most of them since what feels like forever. And I miss them like fuck. And they're all here yknow. Like we're all in the same bloody country. And I know we'll find a way back into each other's lives eventually but right now, this very second, I fucking miss them. I miss all of them.
And now Shahirah is working with me and I'm getting used and liking this idea but what if she decides to leave too? I know I might be overreacting la but I can't help but worry. Sometimes I'm scared to even talk to her like everyday kind of thing? Like I'm afraid of making her part of my routine because what if one day it becomes like friend mentioned above? I SCARED AH I SCARED.
And then new friends enter my life like Nad and Bava and goodgod I am TERRIFIED okay. I am so scared of liking them more because when you get close to someone, eventually, you are bound to have arguments or misunderstandings and I just know it will happen sometime in the future but I simply don't want it to happen. Gaaaaaawd
But see ah. A part of me knows this is very irrational because helloooooo look at Verns, Cheryl and my guys and I? We are doing okay and yes, I do feel like life gets in the way with Febs and Janet especially since they're overseas but when they come back, it always feel like nothing changed. Man speaking of them, I fucking misssssssssss my coolios. And I can't wait for them to come back to Singapore. I will take off days please. Gaaaaaaah miss you guys so much :( I don't know how other people do it. Its so hard to even webcam :((
Sigh my brain is tired. Okay more like I am tired of my brain and its endless worrying and stressing. Which are mostly damn unnecessary please. But man, its true isn't it?A few months down the road, everything that goes on now might change forever. And I hate that idea. I really hate that inevitable outcome.
& 2:09 AM
Prince& his 1000 sexy sheeps